If it's hurting you
by jane-allsop-rocks
Summary: Jo and PJ...PJ got with Susie....and regretting it


Title: If It's hurting you. By: Rhiannon Disclaimer: Don't own anything to do with Heelers. Song words and titles are credited to Mr Williams himself...Robbie Williams if you didn't know...and if you didn't know that there is something seriously wrong with you! The bits in italics are the song words to If it's hurting you. Dedicated to: Elle and Bree.....U 2 r always there for me...which is weird cos I've never met Elle and I've only met Bree like 5 times. It's only short and not very positive...but yeah...hope you like it...please feedback!  
  
Please don't think of me, If you do you gotta block it, I got chills tonight and you can't be here to stop it, I'm not a parasite, It's just a lonely night, Tonight.  
  
I can still remember the hurt in her eyes, the pains spread across her face in less than a second. I could see her heart breaking through her beautiful blue eyes, and I knew that I caused it. I knew I wouldn't see her again, but I would have to see her everyday of the week. I didn't see it coming. One minute we were discussing a case after hours to get it done. The next Susie's lips were connected to mine and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I couldn't pull away, I didn't have the strength to. God I tried, but when I closed my eyes I pictured Jo, perhaps that was the problem, she felt like Jo.  
  
I can't handle working with her, I guess like Jo couldn't handle to work with us.  
  
Even the little things seem weird. Like not having the whole bed taken up by Jo cos she always wants to lay close to me, not having the cupboard and fridge filled with healthy stuff, not having chick flick nights every Friday night....not having Jo around full stop. I never imagined what it would be like without her, I wish I was imagining instead of it actually happening. Shit its bloody hard!  
  
I walked from the bar, `Cause they were only laughing I wished on a start, But they covered it in satin, I'm not a gigolo, That's what I want you to know, Tonight  
  
How could they laugh when she wasn't there? "Where are ya going? It's only 7" God I hated her, she acted as though nothing had ever happened. She ruined my life!! Can't she see that? She made the woman that I love, leave...someone I love leave again should I say. Jo probably thinks I am the biggest bloody bastard. Kissing her friend...it's not as if she would ever think about kissing Jonesy or Ben. She was loyal....unlike me. I've always been bastard to her. First with Dr Titty...now Susie...who next? I can't believe I hurt her. It was definitely something I never dreamt of doing, not in a million years, but I did, and it's something I'll spend the rest of my life regret doing.  
  
Ooh Ooh, I've hurt you I can see, Ooh Ooh do you think it isn't hurting me? Ooh The grass ain't always green, And if it's hurting you, You know that it's hurting me, You know that it's hurting me.  
  
I'm such a bastard!! Every night I go to bed and dream of her, I dream of hurting her. It rips my heart apart knowing the pain I caused her. I was meant to love her, I was meant to protect her, and not let anyone hurt her. Hell I tried, but I couldn't protect her from the person she least expected to hurt her, me. Patrick Joseph Bloody Hasham. Why do I screw things up. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with this woman, the way I thought I was with Maggie, Love always gets screwed up...I give up on it!  
  
You'll meet other men, Who'll break your heart, If I see you with them, It's gonna tear me apart.  
  
The moment I saw her walking in the station, holding his hand, that's when I knew life was fucked. She had a smile on her face, she had moved on...and I think the way I acted it was obvious I hadn't. This time she could see the heart ache in my eyes. If I didn't know the man who placed the ring on her finger, I would have been fine. But the problem was, I did know him. And he definitely wasn't good enough for my Joanna, My Jo....My Joey! "G'day PJ" He better wipe that smile off his face or I'll wipe it off for him. He grins and holds her like she's a prize...not like he loves her...but like he's won her. Can't she see that he is a prick!! "Hi Blair...Good to see you Jo" I smile like I did the time I told her I loved her, the good times. She ignores what I say, and once again one of the pieces of my broken heart is shattered again.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The heart ache, it's all I can see, all across her face. And once again she caused it. I hold her in my arms and I never want to let her go. I want to do my job and protect her like I was meant to. No-one was gonna hurt Jo again. The tears were streaming down her face...she couldn't keep still. Was this what she was like when she saw me and Susie? If she was I would never forgive myself. "Jo, I'm sorry for the pain I caused you, I've regretted it every day since...I've thought about you everyday since you left...and I've promised myself everyday that no-one else would hurt you....cos Jo...I'll always love you...and I promise no-one will hurt you again" I don't know what brought it on but I kissed her. It felt so good to feel our lips together again...and I could feel the sparks. The warm feeling she brought to me powered over me once again...I felt alive. She didn't pull away...or hesitate...she kissed me back with just as much passion as I was kissing her with. Eventually we pulled away...I got up and walked towards my car. She followed me to the door of my house and gave me one last kiss. "PJ I'm not pretending it didn't hurt...but I love you...and love means never having to say your sorry" I sped off towards her and Blair's room at the Imperial...feeling like nothing could hurt me.  
  
Maybe in another Life, We wouldn't be alone, Tonight.  
  
Staying in Mt Thomas wasn't easy, but Mt Thomas reminded me of PJ and I needed him to live on in my heart, and he always would. He died doing what he loved and he died protecting someone life, and he will always be remembered how he was, as a hero. Every now and then I would visit his grave. I thank god for those few months I got to spend with him. I am blessed with his daughter...Helen, and I am glad that I will always have a little piece of him with me. I will always love him...and I'll always know that he will be protecting me...he'll never let anyone hurt me any more.  
  
Ooh Ooh, I've hurt you I can see, Ooh Ooh, Do you think its not hurting me. Ooh The grass aint always greener, And if it's hurting you, You know it's hurting me, You know it's hurting me, You know it's hurting me, You know it's hurting me,  
  
The End!! Feedback please! 


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